What's done is done
by Miki-chan13
Summary: When Lelouch sees Suzaku fighting for Britannia, he's not frozen in fear. For Faifen.


I have decided to do author's notes atop the story instead of below. You'll also notice I'm experimenting with a new writing style here. Sorry for taking so long, Faifen!

* * *

When the top of the Lancelot is cut off, you knew that the tide of war had changed- if you knew who the pilot was on top of rescuing Tohdoh, then you'd be able to cut down the pilot that had given you so much trouble and reduce Britannia's fighting power in one fell-

 _Curly brown hair, tanned skin, emerald green eyes._

\- swoop.

You can't believe it- no, you don't want to believe it. You want to be insane so you know that that can't be Suzaku you're seeing in the Lanelot, fighting for the same people you're trying to take down, the ones who ravaged Japan and you can't trust your eyes.

He's not supposed to be here! He's supposed to be in the Engineer Corps, he said so himself! He's supposed to be by Nunnally's side, not with Cornelia and Euphemia!

["- do, Zero?!"] the last part of Kallen's question comes through the speaker and snaps you out of your horrified thoughts. Mao's words from a few days ago echo in your mind when you learned of Kururugi Genbu's true demise, how Suzaku had taken his life and put the Japanese on the path of humiliation before joining the same people who ripped away their freedom.

The horror doesn't diminish but you feel something inside of you grow cold. Not in fear- in fury, _in hatred._

Suzaku... YOU GODDAMNED HYPOCRITE!

Your father's death, I understand at least- you were only a child and if the resistance went through then there would be an even larger mountain of Japanese corpses than there was already! But you know perfectly well what your actions have done here- you have stood in the way of the only ones trying to protect the Japanese and restore their freedom to them all for the sake of satisfying your own death wish and ego!

The Four Swords have him on the ropes and Asahina is about to swoop in for the kill. You have this moment and shout into the speakers, "Hold him down! I'll deliver the final blow myself!"

The Swords obey and keep the Lancelot down. You set your mask on your face before pilot your _Burai_ so it looms above the down _Lancelot_ and Suzaku glares at you as you open the cockpit. You hold your gun level with him and you know he cannot dodge.

"Your plan won't work, Zero!" he shouts at you. "If you think you can create a peaceful future for Japan-"

 **"I want to create a future where they can have freedom- what good is peace if you're under a tyrant's foot? It's only an illusion,"** you spit at him.

["Zero, reinforcements are coming!"] Kallen shouts into the speakers and Suzaku's eyes widen as he recognizes her voice. "Kallen Statfeld-?!"

 **"Know this, Suzaku Kururugi!"** you shout, directing his attention back to you. **"Know that with every action you took, you turned Britannia's chokehold on Japan into a stranglehold, that you damned men, women and children to death, that you have taken away Japan's hope-"**

You lower your mask to reveal your face for just a split second.

"- because you were selfish,"you finish with relish at the horror and disbelief on his face. "Le-"

You pull the trigger. You don't miss.

* * *

When you return to the base, you find you cannot move out of your frame. Your body, once coursing with adrenaline and hatred and fury, has become stilled and you realize just what it is that you have done.

You killed Suzaku. You killed your best friend.

Dread, grief, anguish are making you shake and you feel your stomach shudder, your throat close up. Suddenly, the knightmare frame cockpit feels as if it's closing in on you- _oh God, why are the walls moving closer- why is everything spinning-_

You grope for the handle and pull the door open. You can barely get out soon enough and nearly break your neck getting out. Your legs are too weak to steady you and you collapse to your knees. Your stomach won't stop shuddering and you vomit out the tea and snacks that you had with Nunnally and Suzaku barely a few hours ago. Oh God, how would you be able to even talk with her- to lie abut what you've done?! She'd know- she'd know the truth, just by listening to you!

You hear someone run to your side and kneel beside you. You can't help flinching when a hand lays against your back before you catch a glimpse of red hair and you can't help but relax just a little- this is Kallen, you have nothing to prove to her. "I guess you're not the only one who feels awful about this," she says, rubbing your back tentatively.

You can't reply but just nod weakly. You are not wearing your mask and you don't trust yourself to keep your voice steady. Luckily it's still dark enough that she can't recognize your face.

"Suzaku was- was a classmate of mine," she says and you can hear her trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. "We were in the Student Council together- even though I thought he was kind of naive- I didn't want him to- I never thought that-"

She breaks off and you can hear her trying to keep the sob in her throat from breaking out before she wraps her arms around you tightly. You can't say anything but just kneel there and the two of you stay that way for hours.

* * *

The memorial service is held a few days later. The entirety of Ashford Academy is there and most of the Student Council is openly shedding tears. Rivalz has snot running down his face, Shirley is crying softly against Milly's shoulder as she comforts her, Nina's expression is torn between relief and upset and you want to slap her more than you ever wanted to before.

Nunnally has not cried and this scares you more than anything. When she hears the news, she stiffens but says nothing, her expression unchanged. That is still how she looks as Euphie reads the eulogy for Suzaku as his casket is lowered into the ground.

["He served Britannia with his heart, soul and body. He- he was nothing short of a true knight,"] she went on and you can hear her trying to fight back tears, trying not to break down crying.

You cannot cry- you feel genuine sorrow and guilt but you cannot cry, because you know of how others will see his death. His people would not mourn him, they would curse his name because he fought for Britannia and aided the very people who took Japan away from them. The Britannians would be glad that he was gone and mock him in death- they would use this to show that mere Numbers could not compare to Britannia's might and his death in piloting the Lancelot was proof of that.

He had betrayed his country and he betrayed you as well. He knew what they were doing and he did nothing to stop them- he fought for them even! No, not even you will mourn him after learning this. Your gaze hardens and your jaw tightens.

What's done is done. You cannot turn back.

* * *

"It will take time for them to find a new pilot for the _Lancelot,"_ Diethard says. "This at least clears up our concerns with him. With the way he was ousted, there's no way that the Japanese can rally behind him now."

"Hell yeah!" Tamaki cheers. "Now everyone'll see that the Black Knights're the real heroes here!"

You do not object to Kallen punching him in the face, expression upset. Ohgi lays a land on her shoulder to comfort her- he knew that they were friends once. Tohdoh and his soldiers remain silent and his gaze rests on me. It is not angry- he respected that Suzaku chose for himself and fought for what he believed was the right path. He had lost comrades before and he understood why I killed him.

But you can't meet his gaze- even with the mask on and facing him, you let your eyes drift anywhere but into his eyes.

"I have recently heard that there will be a force gathering on Shikine island and that the Viceroy and Sub-viceroy will be there as well," Diethard's voice snaps you out of it and he places the information on the table for all to see you. You look over it and the gears in your head begin to turn...

* * *

You had been so close to wiping out their forces before an airship of all things showed up and sent down fire upon your group. You were so certain that you were going to die only for you to open your eyes and find yourself on the shoreline and even met Euphie just a few minutes later.

She meets your gaze and you see no anger but a sorrow so deep you feel your insides twist. "Oh Lelouch," she can barely choke out before she pulls you into a tight hug.

You stare ahead in silent shock at this action. "It's okay- you can cry," she tells me.

You blink before it dawns on you- Suzaku must have told her about your friendship despite you telling him not to. Though you don't blame him very much- Euphie has always been good at getting secrets.

But you cannot cry- not for his sake, not anymore. Instead, the same cold fury squirms inside your stomach and you can barely let yourself be hugged by your sister. When she withdraws from you, you are unable to screw your face from it's cold scowl and she looks startled and concerned for you. "I know that you two had different ideals, but-"

"He was a traitor of the worst kind," you spit out. "He means nothing to me."

Her expression hardens. "You can't mean that- I know you can't."

"You know nothing of me, sister," you growl. "You know nothing of the person I am now and neither did Suzaku."

You don't have much difficulty taking her a hostage before stealing the _Gawain._

* * *

With Suzaku gone, fighting Brtiannia's forces was child's play. Not even Cornelia herself coming onto the battlefield was enough to turn the tide- Kallen got a hold of her _Gloucester_ and liquidated her frame with her Radiant Wave Surger.

You choose this time to force the answers you need from her throat once and for all. By her own admission, you learn that your mother dismissed her guards and that Schneizal took care of her body- the first fact is a tragedy in itself since it must have been someone close to mother. The mystery deepens and you have more questions than answers now.

When you looked at her, unconscious from the blood loss and head trauma after you finished questioning her, you remember Clovis. Your memory of him has been forever tainted by his actions in Shinjuku and you see not a sister but a woman who has committed war-time atrocities. You have far less trouble planting a bullet into the side of her head and through her brain than you thought you would.

* * *

The Black Rebellion ends in bittersweet triumph. Japan was free from Britannia's control- no, it's the United States of Japan now. But now Tokyo is in ruins and those left who are left alive are barely a fraction of what you wanted to save.

Your mouth tastes like ashes as you hear the list of casualties- you miss the exact number but what you do know is that the dead was triple that of the wounded and living combined. A Pyrrhic victory in no other terms.

Even worse was the fact that Britannia would certainly send reinforcements and you had neither the manpower or the available technology to hold them off. Japan would have freedom for a week at best before Britannia would subjugate it into Area 11 once more. This infuriates you more than anything and you all but storm out after the report.

Even worse was you nearly lost everything when you abandoned the battlefield for Nunnally only to find that you were deceived- there was nothing inside that cavern on Kanajima island. It was only thanks to Kallen trailing after you that you were able to get back in order to stop Britannia's last hurrah. Those you took prisoners either ate their own tongues in defiance or licked your soldiers' boots begging for mercy.

You reach one of the cells and open it up. Euphie sits where she's been for months, treated as a prisoner of war. When she sees you, her eyes are tired and her fists clench at the black skirt she is wearing- her dress was tossed away long ago.

"You were right," she murmurs. "You are not the same brother I once loved."

This admission gives you no satisfaction and you slap her before leaving. You feel like an idiot for giving her any of your time.

* * *

When you see Nunnally in the news of the Viceroy of Area 10, your blood runs cold. They had turned your beloved sister, your only family, into a puppet. And you can do nothing, not until the Black Knights regain their strength.

The blood turns to fire a few seconds later- how dare she! After everything he had done to keep them away from Britannia, the one person whom you love has decided to become their lapdog!

 _Just like Suzaku._

* * *

It would take nearly three years. By that time, the few Britannians alive are forced inside the ghettoes while the Japanese live on their rightful land. Ashford Academy is no longer a school but a center for the homeless. Shirley, Milly and Rivalz passing out soup and other food and water to lines that span the street and running out before they feed even half of them is a common sight.

Nina disappeared after the rebellion after she tried to go after the Black Knights herself with an unstable sakuradite bomb, Milly said that her former fiance took her back to Britannia with him when they evacuated. Cecil Croomy was killed when the Ganymede toppled over her when she went to get Nina off of the mecha.

Rivalz and Shirley know the truth of you being a prince by Milly's admission and Shirley confronted you with the letter she had written so long ago when she found out the boy she thought she loved was her father's murder via circumstance. You let her hit you, you let her scream at you and you let her denounce him. You know you deserve nothing less but you can't truly bring yourself to care.

But when she tries to shoot you again- and you know she has no intention of not pulling the trigger- you are forced to defend yourself.

You look down on her body from where she tripped backwards from where you pushed her away and her head split open against the stone and wonder how her mother would feel in finding out her daughter's crush was responsible for her family's deaths as your shoulder bleeds heavily and your arm goes numb.

* * *

You are working your prosthetic arm that Rakshata grafted for you a few months later and learn of Britannia trying to carve an alliance between them and Japan by marrying Oddesyus to their empress Tianzi. You know the reason for this and you feel rather irked that no one else understands either.

Even Kallen doesn't understand the simplest things nowadays it seems. CC is the only one you can turn to nowadays because you realize that her mind works separate to everyone else's just as your does. She is your closest confidant, your closest everything. Not even Nunnally understands you like she does, you realize.

When Ohgi prepares for you all to leave for China, you can't help smiling at her and lay your head in her lap- you know she will understand you and you are glad for this. Her hand is shaking when she lays it on your head- it's cold even with your gloves on and you place a kiss on it, smiling.

* * *

You look down at Nina from where she's restrained. You thought that her attack during the party for the Chinese and Britannia marriage reception would be the end of it but she managed to sneak into their forces with nothing but a few cyanide filled syringes.

You can add Minami, Tamaki and Empress Tianzi to the list of casualties. Now the only ones left of the original Nauto Kouzuki's resistance is Ohgi, Yoshida, Sugiyama and Kallen- oh wait, Yoshida got blown up too.

Oops.

Her mouth is all but foaming, eyes wide and crazed with misplaced anger. Here was what was once the brightest scientific mind in Ashford Academy. Now another tool to support those bastards' reign. Another victim of their brainwashing, acting out of sheer fear of the unknown. You'd feel pity if you didn't know it was wasted- you feel only disgust, how could you have been friends with a tool like this? You should've just severed those useless bonds.

Well, better late then never as they say. You'd offer her the one mercy of knowing who took away what she deluded her self into thinking was her but you know she wouldn't recognize you anyways and pull the trigger. Xingke watches impassively, his eyes rimmed red.

* * *

You struggle to catch your breath. The boy lays on the floor, carmine eyes wide open as his blood and what's left of his brain decorate the floors. CC holds the gun steady but her expression is unsure.

You smile at her to show you're okay and take the gun from her hands. Another reason to why you can rely on her- with her power, she can resist geass where others cannot. Even Gottwald's geass-canceler pales before her and certainly didn't help him evade the bullet you shot between his eyes, though you made sure to thank him for such a useful device.

You allow your hand to linger and gently caress her cheek.

* * *

You return from where your wounds were healed only to find that Schenizal managed to turn your own soldiers against you. You laugh, for you have gone beyond anger but you don't scream. You knew this day would come and you knew that you would be betrayed one day, but you thought they were smarter than this, you thought it would take more than this to make them bare their fangs at you.

But no. You were a fool to trust any of them in the first place, you were a fool to give them your trust and to accept theirs if this is enough to turn them against you.

Not much use crying over spilling milk, you think as you geass them all into submission. You still need them for some things after all.

* * *

With Schneizal backing up the Black Knights, you waltz right into the palace in Pendragon. Anyone who even looks in your direction is cut down without mercy- can't tell if they can use geass or not after all. You know that getting that kind of power is well within your father's power after finding out about CC's connection with him.

You have her locked up for now- not because she betrayed you, no. You knew that she would have told you eventually. You know she would never keep anything from you. You know that she is loyal to you and that comforts you.

When you come to the throne room, you greet your father how you've wanted to in a long time. You fire a bullet directly into his head- and he gets up a moment later, blood trickling down his face and staining his clothes and wig. You fire again and again but he keeps getting back up. Finally, you bellow for the Four Swords to attack him, slicing his body up. You order them to take the parts to the farthest corners of the earth and either bury them or toss them into the ocean.

You settle on the throne after you give this command and smile. You don't understand why this smile is so warm- well, it certainly can't be that important, not when you have accomplished everything you set out to do.

CC looks at you from where she stands by your side and you beckon her forth with the same smile. She has stood by your side for all of this time and you have no intention of not rewarding her for everything she has done and will do for you.

* * *

Two more years pass.

You have no need to wear the mask of Zero anymore- Zero did what was needed of it and now you can return to being Lelouch. Everything is yours now and there is literally no one to stand in your way.

You smirk at the picture of your former soldiers scrubbing away at the floor and kick the mud that got on your shoes from your walk outside hit the floor Ohgi just finished licking. Schneizal informs you that the final rebel has been secured and you toss a dead bird you found into his bowl and he eats it with relish.

CC is silent nowadays but you know there's method to her madness and you don't question it. You know she's on your side and that comforts you.

When you go into the room, you see the former Viceroy glare up at you with furious lavender eyes from where's she's in chains. You can't help chuckling at the sight- she looks like a puppy throwing a hissy fit! "Have you come to your senses?"

"Have you?" she asks in a low voice.

Well, that's a no- you've learned that the only way to get someone on your side is for them to answer "yes" ever ytime. You activate the geass and you have simultaneously gained another servant and removed the last rebel from the world. Your world.

You world?

Something clicks inside you. You look down at the blank look on the late Viceroy's-

 _Nunnally's face._

The last five years crash down on your head and you feel the floor start to shift beneath your feet. Wasn't the whole reason you started this to-

But then- what was all of that- why were you-

Your run out of the room and trip over Kallen from where she's trying to lick the floor clean and you kick her out of your way. As you run down the halls, you see your comrades and your enemies alike degrading themselves in gut-twisting ways and you make a mad dash to get outside.

* * *

The sun has fallen the next time you become coherent. Your robes are stained in grass, mud, vomit, blood and who knows what else and your leg spasms with pain but you pick yourself back up. The world continues to spin, you can feel it beneath your feet. But the sky is spinning and so are the trees.

You can't be the one who made them do this, the ones you faced in combat and those who promised to follow you! You can't be the one who turned your own sister into a vegetable!

You hear someone walking and you turn see CC. Thank God she's here, she can make sense of this madness, she's the only one who can-

Wait, why is she holding a gun?


End file.
